Just to Hold You Once Again
by Jagwarakit
Summary: Axel remembers Roxas. Set after Roxas leaves the Orginazation but before he's put in virtual Twilight Town. Yes, this can be considered a Axel/Roxas fic.


**Disclaimer:** No, I don't own Kingdom Hearts II. Wish I did, though, Axel wouldn't have had to die then. I don't own the song "Just to Hold You Once Again" either, Mariah Carey owns it.

**Author's Notes:** OMG, I've been trying to get this fic out for a month now. I'd originally pictured it happening after Roxas had been sent to the virtual Twilight Town with Roxas chasing after Axel out of some curiosity but not catching him. It didn't turn out like that. Oh well. This works better then what I had originally wanted. I'm not to pleased with how the ending came out, it lacks somehow. Oh well, if I ever come back to this story I might try and fix it. Anyways, enjoy.

**Note:** _/blah blah blah blah/_ song lyrics.

**Just to Hold You Once Again**

A cold wind swept through the streets as the neon lights of the clubs flickered on and off, the beat pounding and throbbing in his chest. His robe rustled around his ankles as he walked, keeping to the shadows.

He didn't know why he'd come here. A distraction, maybe, from the dull endless throb of emptiness in his chest. It' hadn't been so bad when Roxas was here. He'd actually made him feel as if he'd had a heart.

He sighed and leaned against the wall of the last club on the street, it catered to a younger crowd apparently. The DJ was talking but he didn't hear. Roxas probably would've liked this particular club. The words 'slow' and 'partner' broke through the haze that always seemed to hover around him these days, since Roxas left.

The slow beats of a slow dance drifted out the door to curl around him like a lover's embrace, like how Roxas used to do on cold nights. He squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered. Roxas. He could feel his throat tighten and eyes begin to burn. But Nobodies aren't able to cry. Right?

_/Do you know_

_How it feels_

_Laying here without you baby_

_You could never understand what's happening to me_

_So alone_

_Nothing's real_

_I just dream about you baby_

_And forever wonder why you had_

_To break free/_

A sob was torn unwilling from his throat as he slid down the wall to sit on the sidewalk, his knees pulled up to his chest and his face buried in his knees. His whole body trembled with the force keeping the tears at bay, though, despite his efforts, they still streamed down his cheeks to soak into his robe.

Why! Why did Roxas have to leave to find his answers? He chuckled through his tears, though it sounded a bit crazy even to his own ears. He knew that Xemnas would never have allowed Roxas to find the answers he needed, to search for Sora though he knew right where he was. After all, Xemnas couldn't loose his precious key now could he. He snorted, he lost him anyways. So did he for that matter. He lost the only one that made him feel. Even not there Roxas made him feel.

_/Even though you're not my lover_

_Even though you're not my friend_

_I would give my all_

_To have you here_

_Just to hold you once again/_

But they had been friends, at least to him and he had thought Roxas had felt that way too. Apparently he'd been wrong, to some degree at least. He may not mean that much to Roxas but he meant everything to him. If he knew it would work, he would give everything he had to get Roxas back. Roxas meant so much to him. He'd give so much to just hold him one more time, to be able to breath in his scent once again to see if it smelt as wonderful as he remembered.

_/It's so hard_

_To believe_

_I don't have you right beside me_

_As I long to touch you_

_But you're out of my reach_

_And my heart doesn't feel_

_It's so very cold inside me_

_Just a shadow of someone that I used to be/_

Another sob was ripped from his already raw throat. He remembered all the times where Roxas was at his side, whether it was for a mission or a prank. They were the best team in the whole Organization. Even Xemnas saw that.

_/Even though you're not my lover_

_Even though you're not my friend/_

The emptiness seemed so much greater now. So much more painful and all encompassing, consuming his entire being. They called him The Flurry of Dancing Flames. He wondered if they knew his flames were nothing more than embers now.

_/I would give my all_

_To have you here_

_Just to hold you once again/_

Another sob. Why wasn't he enough to have kept Roxas with him? What did he have to do to make him see how much he missed him, how much he needed him, depended on him?

_/You were the only one_

_That I allowed inside my heart_

_Now I'm just holding on_

_To something so far gone_

_Where did I go wrong/_

Roxas had been the only one that he liked, the only one that he allowed passed his mask to see the real him. Memories of all the times they had together drifted past his mind's eye. All the missions, all the pranks. He chuckled sadly as he remembered dying Marluxia's hair neon green. That had been funny even though they'd gotten in so much trouble for it. God, what had gone wrong? What was it that made him want to actually find out why? Hadn't he been enough for him? Hadn't he meant anything to him?

_/Even though you're not my lover/_

God, how he wished he'd told Roxas how much he meant to him, how much he made him feel.

_/And even though you're not my friend_

_I would give my all_

_To have you here/_

God, how he wished Roxas was still at his side. The emptiness that came with his leaving was driving him insane, killing him from the inside out.

_/Just to hold you once again/_

The smell of sunshine, sand, and the ocean filled his nose as two arms wrapped around him and held him close. He let out a chocked sob at the familiarity of it. Could he have finally lost it?

"Shh."

The sound washed over him like waves on the sand and he couldn't help another chocked sob as he gripped the front of the robe and buried his face into the offered shoulder. He felt fingers gently run through his hair and he couldn't help a shuddered sigh as all the tension drained from his body and the suffocating pain eased if only for awhile.

He felt him shift as an arm was retracted before he felt something settle around his neck. He felt Roxas nuzzle his hair just like he used to and he couldn't help but sigh contently, everything right for the first time in what felt like a very long time.

He felt Roxas take his hand and guide it to his chest then close it around something. Opening his eyes, he looked at the pendent that now rested in the palm of his hand. A bouquet of Forget-Me-Nots done in white, yellow, and rose gold.

"Don't cry for me, Axel. Hold me close to you in your memories."

He looked up into brilliant blue eyes. Eyes so blue he knew that he'd drown in them if he didn't have an anchor to reality. He watched as Roxas laced their fingers together and press the pendent between their palms.

"Remember me."

"Always," he managed to rasp out.

A smile spread over Roxas' face before he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He couldn't help giving a shuddering sigh as contentment spread through his body and re lit the flames he wielded.

"Good."

And then he was alone again, the pendent the only testimony to their meeting. He stood, gripping the pendent in his hand and looked up to the stars. He wouldn't forget, because Roxas gave him his fire back and a reason to go on.

_/Just to hold you once again/_

**--End--**


End file.
